So I’ve never booked a flight that takes off at 6am and somehow I did. That’s all in the past so were not gonna talk about that. What we will talk about is how I looked way too chic for LAS (lame ass Vegas Airport) and how Delta (lame ass excuse for an airline) fucked me up. I get to the airport at 4:30 for my flight that leaves at 6:30 am, Perfect timing right? NOOOOOOOTTT. I check in, go through security, get to my gate , and buy more Dramamine (I get nauseous when I fly from West to East). Now you’re supposed to take them an hour before you fly and so I did. Here comes the NOOOOOOOTTTT. Ten minutes before we had to board the plane this # yes I said # because I will refrain from calling her a BITCH(plus I don’t know her like that besides she may be a nice bitch), came on to deliver a message “ Attention Passengers we are having some technical difficulties with the plane, the problem is mechanical we’ve already ordered the part it is on the next plane from Salt Lake City and will be replaced as soon it comes in. Your flight will now depart at 9:30am and we will begin re-issuing boarding passes with passengers that have connecting flights first”.

Summ ma ma Bitch, I swear my color almost came out because I wanted to cut-er not cut her but cut-er all one word minus the H. So now I’m doped up on Dramamine, stuck at this fuck box with slot machines they call an airport, just wishing I still had a balance on my NetJets card so I can get the F##K out of dodge. So almost 3 hours later they issued me new tickets to get on the 9:30 flight to Atlanta and the 5:30 flight from Atlanta to Miami. The fuckery continues peeps, I get to HOTLANTA and I look at the ticket it says Gate A18 ok lets go. NOOOOTTTTTT. I get to gate A18 and everyone seems to be going to New York……ummmm I’m trying to get to Miami. I go up to the counter and say “ Hi, do you know where my gate is because it says A18 and this is the wrong fucking gate” (ok I don’t usually cuss this much but I’m about done with Delta at this point). His reply “ Oh yeah your new gate is now A21“. Lets reverse and talk about how the first plane has private TV’s and OK seats etc.. Now I’m on a Greyhound with wings and a baby that just wont shut up. Took another Dramanine and the guy next to me seems bent on having a conversation. He was actually nice, well both of them I sat between two older guys. I didn’t mean to be rude to them but the Dramamine kicked in I slept and woke up 40 minutes before we landed.

My JetSet Look to ride on Delta a.k.a the bus with wings

We land and I’m thinking OMG what a day I cant wait to get off this plane get my bag and see if I can make it to the last show. Yet again another NNNNNNOOOOOOTTTT. What is it this time you ask? That’s right my bag didn’t make it on the plane. I don’t know what came over me but as I got to the counter all I had to say was “You people better have my bag because I’m not taking $500 for it because I’ve got shoes in there that are worth more than that, and I will sue each and every one of you personally”. By the grace of GOD my bag was on the next flight to Miami which lands at 9:15, keep in mind I landed at 7:30. So the agent goes “Where are you staying/would like the bag delivered” now I wanted to say “ Have you lost your FUCKING mind, you really think I’m gonna hand you my bag one more time today so you can let these mutha fuckers have their way with my shit, fuck no” instead I replied “NOOOOOOOO, I’ll wait for it, Thanks”. They gave a me $7 food voucher, im hungry at this point so I walked to Terminal 3 to get a sandwich. The Bill $14, I swear I sending them a bill for the balance.

Though all this I think I stayed pretty calm considering from the moment I got to my gate I wanted to throw my phone at someone, well not just my phone but anything I could get my hands on. All I have to say is Delta owns me a fucking free flight, preferable on another airline. Which sucks because on Monday I have to get on that damm bus again. Oprah please rescue me, I know children in Africa are starving but I don’t require any food just a ride on your Private Jet. Lord knows id be less of a threat to the general public if I was flying Private. I just hope that crying baby isn’t on my flight going back, because I will do to it what its mother should have done 8.5 months ago, ABORT IT. I love kids but crying ones in any enclosed space should be snuffed.

Fine Print: I know I shouldn’t complain because things could have been worst but all im asking for is a heads up. “Attention passenger Junior Jean your new gate is now A21 and your bag did not make it on the plane but it will be on the next flight”. THAT’S IT!!! Instead of me having to find these things out after the fact which adds to the 3 hour delay. Better yet if a manager came out and said “Boo we fucked up” I would have said “don’t sweat it, just handle it”.